Things Are Gonna Get Better

(Good song. I love my Archie.)

I am a basket case (Ha. I just almost typed "I am a basketball." That too) of emotions right now. Not like I haven't been like this for my entire life or anything, it's just been more prevalent during the last couple of months or so.

Prepare for a serious rant. Please bear with me.

Breakups stink, first of all. Regardless of the situation or who you are. Even when you know that an ending is inevitable and eventual, you never really look forward to or anticipate when that "eventually" will decide to rear its nasty little head. And even if you end up being the one to break it off, it probably stinks a little bit too. At the very least, it's kind of awkward to crush someone like that, you know? (That was entirely rhetorical. Do not worry if you don't know.)

Second, timing stinks. Anything traumatic that happens within the last few weeks before finals is bad news for your GPA. I miss that little tenth of a point that I lost this semester, but I guess it's partly my fault (I am not allowed to blame everything on myself, and a tenth isn't that terrible of a loss...right?).

Anything traumatic that happens approximately a half hour before you are required to dress up and look good for people at a dinner is also bad news, especially when you know that you are going to be up all night writing two papers that you've neglected until this fateful night before the due date. On the bright side, you'll be too busy to grieve properly. On the other hand, you'll be too busy to grieve properly (yes I did just say the same thing twice). Instead, you'll spend that night intermittently writing feverishly (yet somewhat coherently) and crying silently so that your roommates are less inclined to notice and shower you with ice cream and fatty comfort foods. And/or words/songs of consolation (don't get me wrong, all are appreciated, but I would like to finish my assignments before I start to hear birdsong).

As it is, you will be up all night anyway, take a half-hour nap before classes, then collapse all over again when the text you get in class that afternoon tells you yet another empty promise has been broken (but really, why are you surprised?). Your inability to properly cope with the events of the last 24 hours causes you to walk blindly back to your apartment (thank goodness your autopilot feature still works) while texting the person causing your pain (that's not really a fair accusation, is it? Sorry), trying to navigate the fallout until you finally pass out from your too-many-hours-long marathon of emotion and sleeplessness around 5:30. Luckily you'd been having a good hard cry curled up in bed during most of the texted conversation, so your descent into unconsciousness was more comfortable than if you'd been on the tiny blue couch in the kitchen or had flat out dropped to the floor.

[I sincerely, sincerely apologize profusely to that wonderful friend who came looking for me at 6 to take me to a party and get me out of my hole, even though I was asleep and no one else was home, leaving him standing awkwardly in the kitchen and a missed call on my phone. I AM SO SORRY. Thank you for being great anyway.]

When you wake up around 8:30 that night, you realize first of all that you totally stood up said friend on accident and second of all that you are a mess. Good thing it's a Friday night, you have no place to go, and homework that can be procrastinated another day. And that you have fantastic roommates who make a run to the creamery for pizza and your favorite half-gallon of ice cream while you resume texting your new favorite method of masochism for another hour or so, which will be the longest conversation that you'll ever have from this point on but to you seems like nothing.

The rest is kind of fuzzy: Netflix, Australia (actually only got to watch like 15 whole minutes of it, though), friends, gourmet cupcakes, chocolate milk from a roommate, stuff stuff stuff. But all you really want to do is be alone to think and cry and maybe sleep, which doesn't come until about 2 am.

The best part about this whole day after your world is turned upside down?
It's April Fool's Day.
Ironic, isn't it?

What a fool.

But oh, thank goodness for General Conference on Saturday morning, for the healing power of the Atonement, and for the joy the gospel brings.

So timing? Not so bad after all.

Because
"I know things are gonna get better,
And I know things are gonna be fine.
And I know life is gonna get better,
Life is gonna get better, yeah we're gonna be fine."